Dear y'all;
I'm a few months into my new life in LA, and my time these days is spent walking the picket lines of the writer's strike and searching for a meaningful day job. I'll be in Prague in late March, so maybe I'll post anew on this site, but otherwise please don't expect too much from this blog in the near future. Meanwhile, this past week I launched yet another blog, a serial in screenplay form called The Accident Twins. Do please take a look: http://theaccidenttwins.blogspot.com
First scene already in the can; new scenes posted every Thursday. Enjoy.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Friday, June 29, 2007
Summer update
Hi folks. For the three of you that haven't given up on me despite my absence of nearly half a year, all's okay with me. A quick and dirty update: I'm still publishing the magazine (for the moment, anyway), I've played in a bunch of shows with the two bands I'm now in, I'm producing a DVD of one of said concert (actually a festival with several other groups), am chasing scriptwriting or other producing gigs with varying levels of potential, and I'm still on track to go to the States in mid-September. And oh yah, I got married. More later.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present....The Sellouts!
I had a stray weird idea tonight which might just be...hold your breath...GOOD. See, when I return to the States, assuming I have enough money, time and musical energy, I'll try to form a rough punky sorta band called the Sellouts. The avowed intention, aim and desire of The Sellouts will be to...yeep...SELL OUT. Their only goal will be to improve themselves to the point where they can make very radio and MTV-friendly music and grow incredibly rich. Forget all that anti-corporate, angry young rock attitude...these guys want to make money and have big houses and swimming pools. Look, back in my embryonic rock and roll days (1992 or so) EVERY young band in my vicinity seemed to Hate. The. Evil. Music. Companies. That kind of attitude gets tiring if everybody feels that way. It's a business after all, so hell, why don't we all make a little coin? Leave the "we're-such-dedicated-artists poor hurt us" feelings to somebody else.
The Sellouts will want to be big. Huge. Obese. They will want to play baseball stadiums and Donald Trump birthday parties. They'll do a special gig for the crazy investment banker who budgeted half a million bucks for his kid's bar mitzvah. They'll mug on MTV interviews as if their careers depend on it...which, in fact, they will. They'll do their utmost to cultivate Bill Clinton as a fan. They will issue new albums as often as people change shoes. They will play acoustic covers of U2 songs and throw spent drumsticks to 15-year old girls in the audience. They will do any photo op Paris Hilton asks them to. Every album will contain at least one weepy ballad, if not three. Autographs? Sure, man, anytime. $5 if we mail it to you.
This could all be very, very funny if done the right way and with the correct amount of irony.
I can picture it, too. Horrifying 1980s touches like spandex - for no reason at all - and obligatory guitar solos. Bad videos featuring plenty of explosions. Bass guitars colored pink and 15 kinds of tom tom on the drum kit. A wireless mike for the singer so he can climb an amp stack while singing and look really cool. Anything and everything connected with The Sellouts would be completely ridiculous.
I'm not entirely kidding. It's late and maybe I'm not thinking 100% straight but in the right pair of hands it could work. Maybe it won't be me forming this project, maybe somebody else better located and with more energy...any takers? Go ahead and try. Just remember to thank me in the CD insert when the album comes out. And give me a discount on those autographs, willya?
The Sellouts will want to be big. Huge. Obese. They will want to play baseball stadiums and Donald Trump birthday parties. They'll do a special gig for the crazy investment banker who budgeted half a million bucks for his kid's bar mitzvah. They'll mug on MTV interviews as if their careers depend on it...which, in fact, they will. They'll do their utmost to cultivate Bill Clinton as a fan. They will issue new albums as often as people change shoes. They will play acoustic covers of U2 songs and throw spent drumsticks to 15-year old girls in the audience. They will do any photo op Paris Hilton asks them to. Every album will contain at least one weepy ballad, if not three. Autographs? Sure, man, anytime. $5 if we mail it to you.
This could all be very, very funny if done the right way and with the correct amount of irony.
I can picture it, too. Horrifying 1980s touches like spandex - for no reason at all - and obligatory guitar solos. Bad videos featuring plenty of explosions. Bass guitars colored pink and 15 kinds of tom tom on the drum kit. A wireless mike for the singer so he can climb an amp stack while singing and look really cool. Anything and everything connected with The Sellouts would be completely ridiculous.
I'm not entirely kidding. It's late and maybe I'm not thinking 100% straight but in the right pair of hands it could work. Maybe it won't be me forming this project, maybe somebody else better located and with more energy...any takers? Go ahead and try. Just remember to thank me in the CD insert when the album comes out. And give me a discount on those autographs, willya?
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Happy toilet boy
How well can a person know a city? Some people can tell you where you can find the best coffee places, Thai restaurants or techno clubs in their chosen municipality. Others can bore you with the history of the local castle, stretching back a few hundred years. And there's always the guy who's on a back-slapping basis with, seemingly, everyone in a strategic downtown bar or restaurant. Let's also not forgot those Rain Man types that have somehow memorized the name of every city street and alleyway.
But for me, probably the key barometer of city knowledge is a person's ability to locate free toilets. All that other stuff isn't particularly useful if you can't quickly locate a convenient place to piss. And this is deep, deep knowledge. Not only do the toilet kings have a feel for the streets and structures of a city, they have experienced them on an intimate basis. Their knowledge is as inside as it gets.
And I'm not counting the easy places - everybody knows (or should), for example, that fast food restaurants almost always have open-bathroom door policies. But what about that second-floor movie theater, for example, or the basement restaurant with toilets just inside the entrance, away from the spying eyes of wait staff and management? Those are the locales permanently fixed in the psychic street index of the true toilet king. The places where no one notices or cares enough to say no; the places that don't charge a few crowns for the privilege of relieving yourself. The places where you can void peacefully and keep your pocket change.
I'll never be Super Prague Experienced Street Guy, but I'm proud to say I've developed a fair degree of local toilet expertise. Try me. The Wenceslas Square area? No sweat. The Marks & Spencer flagship store, second floor, discreetly tucked away behind the top-floor cafe. The Lucerna complex's Cerny kun restaurant, one of those magic places where the bathrooms are closer to the entrance than to the diners. Boulevard, the sandwich place on Vodickova, a busy joint with bathrooms downstairs, although it's a f--- of a long walk to get there (but we can't be picky when it's free, eh?).
For the tourists: the Old Town Square area. Bohemia Bagel on Masna, loose, casual, not particularly mindful of toilet access. On the opposite side, La Bodeguita on Kaprova, too cool and busy to watch out for bathroom interlopers. The Coffee Heaven branch on Parizska, delivering us from incontinent Hell with WCs at the foot of the basement stairs.
Na Prikope street, Prague's shopping core. All that traipsing around and bag lugging makes a bladder full and a change purse empty. What to do? Well, there are the public toilets half-hidden and unadvertised in the courtyard of Slovansky dum shopping center (on the right as you enter, a few doors past the sushi place). Obecni dum, in addition to being a breathtakingly beautiful example of rare Art Nouveau architecture and design, is also a magnificent place to urinate. Walk in the ground floor bistro, look like you're meeting someone, and sail right into the bathrooms to do your thing.
It has to be said that Praguers are generally pretty nonchalant about toilet needs. Most of the time, if asked where their toilets are and whether they can be used, they'll point in the right direction and shrug a yes. But that ruins the fun and accomplishment of discovery, doesn't it?
I probably have some way to go towards full toilet coverage, or to put it another way, there are chunks of the downtown area where I have little or no idea where an accessible WC might be. Additionally, my knowledge of some of the downtown satellite districts - my current home of Karlin, New Town, and even to some degree my fixed address of Vinohrady - is still lacking. So if anybody knows about quality bathrooms in these 'hoods, do drop me a line. I'll let you in on a few more locales of my own.
In London, aspiring black cab drivers spend months, if not years, riding around on scooters and studying street maps to gain "The Knowledge" of their city. When they get their cabs, they are familiar with any street you'd care to name.
That's an accomplishment, but I have to say I'd be more impressed if they could just as easily answer the following question, no matter the location:
"Where's the best free toilet in this neighborhood?"
But for me, probably the key barometer of city knowledge is a person's ability to locate free toilets. All that other stuff isn't particularly useful if you can't quickly locate a convenient place to piss. And this is deep, deep knowledge. Not only do the toilet kings have a feel for the streets and structures of a city, they have experienced them on an intimate basis. Their knowledge is as inside as it gets.
And I'm not counting the easy places - everybody knows (or should), for example, that fast food restaurants almost always have open-bathroom door policies. But what about that second-floor movie theater, for example, or the basement restaurant with toilets just inside the entrance, away from the spying eyes of wait staff and management? Those are the locales permanently fixed in the psychic street index of the true toilet king. The places where no one notices or cares enough to say no; the places that don't charge a few crowns for the privilege of relieving yourself. The places where you can void peacefully and keep your pocket change.
I'll never be Super Prague Experienced Street Guy, but I'm proud to say I've developed a fair degree of local toilet expertise. Try me. The Wenceslas Square area? No sweat. The Marks & Spencer flagship store, second floor, discreetly tucked away behind the top-floor cafe. The Lucerna complex's Cerny kun restaurant, one of those magic places where the bathrooms are closer to the entrance than to the diners. Boulevard, the sandwich place on Vodickova, a busy joint with bathrooms downstairs, although it's a f--- of a long walk to get there (but we can't be picky when it's free, eh?).
For the tourists: the Old Town Square area. Bohemia Bagel on Masna, loose, casual, not particularly mindful of toilet access. On the opposite side, La Bodeguita on Kaprova, too cool and busy to watch out for bathroom interlopers. The Coffee Heaven branch on Parizska, delivering us from incontinent Hell with WCs at the foot of the basement stairs.
Na Prikope street, Prague's shopping core. All that traipsing around and bag lugging makes a bladder full and a change purse empty. What to do? Well, there are the public toilets half-hidden and unadvertised in the courtyard of Slovansky dum shopping center (on the right as you enter, a few doors past the sushi place). Obecni dum, in addition to being a breathtakingly beautiful example of rare Art Nouveau architecture and design, is also a magnificent place to urinate. Walk in the ground floor bistro, look like you're meeting someone, and sail right into the bathrooms to do your thing.
It has to be said that Praguers are generally pretty nonchalant about toilet needs. Most of the time, if asked where their toilets are and whether they can be used, they'll point in the right direction and shrug a yes. But that ruins the fun and accomplishment of discovery, doesn't it?
I probably have some way to go towards full toilet coverage, or to put it another way, there are chunks of the downtown area where I have little or no idea where an accessible WC might be. Additionally, my knowledge of some of the downtown satellite districts - my current home of Karlin, New Town, and even to some degree my fixed address of Vinohrady - is still lacking. So if anybody knows about quality bathrooms in these 'hoods, do drop me a line. I'll let you in on a few more locales of my own.
In London, aspiring black cab drivers spend months, if not years, riding around on scooters and studying street maps to gain "The Knowledge" of their city. When they get their cabs, they are familiar with any street you'd care to name.
That's an accomplishment, but I have to say I'd be more impressed if they could just as easily answer the following question, no matter the location:
"Where's the best free toilet in this neighborhood?"
Friday, September 22, 2006
Listomania
Wow, I haven't pasted anything on this blog in more than TWO MONTHS. Why? Outside of the usual general laziness, in that span of time I got a promotion at work, prepared for the evennnnntttttuaaaal start of the renovation of my apartment, and made plans to move back to the States next spring. Plus, I had some really cool DVDs to watch.
The second-to-last item is significant, because six (or so) months before the fact I'm already getting twitches of nostalgia. So in that vein, and since it's Friday and a good day for light reading anyway, here's my personal best, worst and studiously neutral of Prague. Enjoy.
BEST
Pint o' brew Damned if I know. I'm one of the few foreigners living here who doesn't claim some kind of expertise in Czech beer. It all tastes pretty good, as far as I'm concerned.
Beer garden Letensky zamecek, Prague 7. Two options here - the public picnic benches and kiosk for the cheap, or the restaurant's patio for the bigger spenders. Grilled meats at the latter, mmmmm. Conveniently, a five-minute walk from my office.
Movie theater Cinema City, Flora Mall. Eight halls full of well-padded seats, complete with drink/popcorn bucket holders. And the country's only IMAX theater, which inexcusably I've been to only once, and I didn't even see the 3D movie on at the time. Shame on me. It also helps greatly that this place is a five minute walk from my home. Are you sensing a pattern here?
Local English language media Finance New Europe, of course. But saying that is part of my job.
Rock band I haven't ever heard one, though Support Lesbiens come close. Please alert me if anything quality creeps up on the horizon.
Place to hear live music Akropolis, one of the top clubs in the city. A thumping subterranean space that feels like a scooped-out old movie theater. Amazingly convenient; only a few minutes from my apartment.
Place to play live music Lucerna Music Bar, dead in the center of Prague. Big, big, BIG stage for all your cool rock star moves, PLUS a few dressing rooms underneath, PLUS pneumatic system for raising said stage. A crappy place to watch a band, but that's someone else's problem when you're the entertainment.
Mexican restaurant Piccante, because it's cheap, good quality, cheerful and...ah, a ten-minute walk down the hill from work.
Mexican Fernando Feria. A cool, interesting MexiNew Yorker who works in film. Also happened to be the host of the party where I met my future wife.
Computer shop Alzasoft. Good prices, wide selection, fast online ordering and customer service that actually exists and isn't hostile, a rare combination for Prague.
TV channel CT 2, because they have a "movie club" every few days programmed by people with very good taste.
DVD rental outlet PlanetDVD. Check 'em out - www.planetdvd.cz.
Dolly Buster movie Don't know; I've never seen one. Which is a pity because I'm curious - for those who don't know, Dolly Buster is a Prague porn star from the early 90s with tits the size of your family.
Shoe millionaire Tom Bat'a, currently suing this country in the EU Court of Human Rights for taking his assets away after WWII and inventing reasons why he couldn't get them back. Go, Tom!
Holiday Well, there are only something like 5 to choose from, so I'll pick Cyril & Methodius Day. Because it's obscure and followed immediately by ANOTHER holiday (Jan Hus Day, in case you're curious).
WORST
Pub - U Zpevacku circa 1994. A nasty hole if there ever was one, located nearly in the heart of downtown Prague. Hopeless alcoholics on all-night binges and lakes of piss in the men's bathroom. Thankfully, there were something like 300 other pubs in the immediate area.
Excuse for not meeting me for a date Ivana, the girl who claimed that she couldn't get together because that morning she contracted meningitis - a potentially fatal illness necessitating an immediate hospital stay.
Long-term musical trend 80s music on the radio and 80s nights at the clubs. Is there any reason why anyone needs to hear Ultravox at least twice a week? Or Laura Branigan? And watching the "Final Countdown" video stopped being funny and ironic after about the 40th time they played it.
Local government office Pretty much all of them.
Harmful bacteria E coli. Watch that spinach, kids!
Use of city location in a major film Namesti miru, in "The Omen" remake. Prague plays London in the movie, but a crucial scene shows a car speeding by a building with a sign that reads "Mestska cast Praha 2" (Prague 2 city district). Time to get a better second unit director, thinks I.
STUDIOUSLY NEUTRAL
Czech newspaper/magazine Although I've lived here for 12 years, I've never bothered to raise my fluency to the level where I could effectively consume local media. Bad, huh?
Nudie bar I've been to Goldfingers for bachelor party reasons and basically enjoyed it, but in the end going to strip clubs makes me feel like a loser. So I avoid them.
Mineral water It's WATER, for frog's sake. What's the difference? I still drink it from the tap anyway.
Expat hangout I've bought books and coffee at The Globe, enjoyed burritos n' brunch at Jama, spent the occasional lunchtime at Fraktal and once upon a time risked whiplash to watch The Simpsons on the Sports Bar's ceiling-level TVs. But I never got the point of spending a lot of time in a foreign country in places full of people from mine, so I generally give these joints a miss.
The second-to-last item is significant, because six (or so) months before the fact I'm already getting twitches of nostalgia. So in that vein, and since it's Friday and a good day for light reading anyway, here's my personal best, worst and studiously neutral of Prague. Enjoy.
BEST
Pint o' brew Damned if I know. I'm one of the few foreigners living here who doesn't claim some kind of expertise in Czech beer. It all tastes pretty good, as far as I'm concerned.
Beer garden Letensky zamecek, Prague 7. Two options here - the public picnic benches and kiosk for the cheap, or the restaurant's patio for the bigger spenders. Grilled meats at the latter, mmmmm. Conveniently, a five-minute walk from my office.
Movie theater Cinema City, Flora Mall. Eight halls full of well-padded seats, complete with drink/popcorn bucket holders. And the country's only IMAX theater, which inexcusably I've been to only once, and I didn't even see the 3D movie on at the time. Shame on me. It also helps greatly that this place is a five minute walk from my home. Are you sensing a pattern here?
Local English language media Finance New Europe, of course. But saying that is part of my job.
Rock band I haven't ever heard one, though Support Lesbiens come close. Please alert me if anything quality creeps up on the horizon.
Place to hear live music Akropolis, one of the top clubs in the city. A thumping subterranean space that feels like a scooped-out old movie theater. Amazingly convenient; only a few minutes from my apartment.
Place to play live music Lucerna Music Bar, dead in the center of Prague. Big, big, BIG stage for all your cool rock star moves, PLUS a few dressing rooms underneath, PLUS pneumatic system for raising said stage. A crappy place to watch a band, but that's someone else's problem when you're the entertainment.
Mexican restaurant Piccante, because it's cheap, good quality, cheerful and...ah, a ten-minute walk down the hill from work.
Mexican Fernando Feria. A cool, interesting MexiNew Yorker who works in film. Also happened to be the host of the party where I met my future wife.
Computer shop Alzasoft. Good prices, wide selection, fast online ordering and customer service that actually exists and isn't hostile, a rare combination for Prague.
TV channel CT 2, because they have a "movie club" every few days programmed by people with very good taste.
DVD rental outlet PlanetDVD. Check 'em out - www.planetdvd.cz.
Dolly Buster movie Don't know; I've never seen one. Which is a pity because I'm curious - for those who don't know, Dolly Buster is a Prague porn star from the early 90s with tits the size of your family.
Shoe millionaire Tom Bat'a, currently suing this country in the EU Court of Human Rights for taking his assets away after WWII and inventing reasons why he couldn't get them back. Go, Tom!
Holiday Well, there are only something like 5 to choose from, so I'll pick Cyril & Methodius Day. Because it's obscure and followed immediately by ANOTHER holiday (Jan Hus Day, in case you're curious).
WORST
Pub - U Zpevacku circa 1994. A nasty hole if there ever was one, located nearly in the heart of downtown Prague. Hopeless alcoholics on all-night binges and lakes of piss in the men's bathroom. Thankfully, there were something like 300 other pubs in the immediate area.
Excuse for not meeting me for a date Ivana, the girl who claimed that she couldn't get together because that morning she contracted meningitis - a potentially fatal illness necessitating an immediate hospital stay.
Long-term musical trend 80s music on the radio and 80s nights at the clubs. Is there any reason why anyone needs to hear Ultravox at least twice a week? Or Laura Branigan? And watching the "Final Countdown" video stopped being funny and ironic after about the 40th time they played it.
Local government office Pretty much all of them.
Harmful bacteria E coli. Watch that spinach, kids!
Use of city location in a major film Namesti miru, in "The Omen" remake. Prague plays London in the movie, but a crucial scene shows a car speeding by a building with a sign that reads "Mestska cast Praha 2" (Prague 2 city district). Time to get a better second unit director, thinks I.
STUDIOUSLY NEUTRAL
Czech newspaper/magazine Although I've lived here for 12 years, I've never bothered to raise my fluency to the level where I could effectively consume local media. Bad, huh?
Nudie bar I've been to Goldfingers for bachelor party reasons and basically enjoyed it, but in the end going to strip clubs makes me feel like a loser. So I avoid them.
Mineral water It's WATER, for frog's sake. What's the difference? I still drink it from the tap anyway.
Expat hangout I've bought books and coffee at The Globe, enjoyed burritos n' brunch at Jama, spent the occasional lunchtime at Fraktal and once upon a time risked whiplash to watch The Simpsons on the Sports Bar's ceiling-level TVs. But I never got the point of spending a lot of time in a foreign country in places full of people from mine, so I generally give these joints a miss.
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